Last post, February 14th. That’s almost a full year without even looking at this. I don’t have much to say these days. At least I think I don’t. I’m having some downtime in the harsh Glasgow winter season as I get through my studies in preparation for university next year. Despite entering my overdraft in buying Christmas presents I am quite grateful. The summer was intense. My first season of being self-employed. I’m pretty pleased with the progress I made professionally but I still have a long way to go in getting where I want to be. Alas, I have faith. I know what I need to work on and how to achieve it. Just a matter of putting it into practice. So yeah, I’m not actually working at the minute. Motivation is pretty low. Nights turning into days even if I don’t want it. I can’t fucking sleep at a reasonable time. Leaves me feeling poor during the day. I noticed I haven’t been so happy recently. Feeling kinda shitty. Bit despairing. That’ll be the SADS. I don’t really help myself tbh.
So yeah, university. I’m pretty determined to get there. It has been a dream for a while now. I put it on hold while I went gallabantin’ on the continent a few years back. But I’ve been given a chance to get there again. It’s pretty exciting even if it feels a little unreal. Just waiting to hear back.
I suppose you’re wondering what the point is in this post. Nothing specific. While I was studying there I was listening to some music that I hadn’t listened to in a while and it brought me back to this. Don’t you love when music does that? With everything that’s been going on in life recently I haven’t been so in tune with my emotional being. It’s a little unsettling. In fact, I have really only taken notice of them in my work this year. I have seriously struggled with allowing my emotions to cloud my professional judgement. It’s something I have to work on and it has left me feeling negative sometimes. The worst thing about it has been when I’ve not let my emotions interfere and I finally felt quite good, only to then be challenged on it. It’s just the way business is I suppose. I don’t want to be ruthless. But I want to be fair. Especially to myself. I do love my job though. I love making people happy. Gardening is a good method of creating happiness. Even if it may seem somewhat futile and less important compared to a doctor, a nurse or a policeman.. I know that my work makes people feel good.
I’m at a really important stage in my life right now. Mostly important decisions. I’m 26. I want a house. Maybe a mortgage. I want to improve my credit score and grow my business. It’s one hell of a different outlook from the one I had just a few years ago when I was taking lifts from strangers in Eastern Europe. I do miss that as well by the way. Something inside me longs to do that again, somewhere else. I’m in a good place now though and I don’t want to fuck that up. I’m prone to drastically changing my life with spontaneous actions. My mum would tell you that I’ve had more hobbies, life ambitions and career changes than Boris Johnson has lied to the British people. (What a mess that is. Come on Scottish Independence. We need the fuck out of this shambles.) It’s good to be grounded at the moment. The occasional holiday here and there, Covid permitting. I’m pretty confident it’ll be under control reasonably soon. I don’t subscribe to the conspiracy theory stuff. I watched some David Icke videos and while I admire the guys ability to tell a riveting story, I’m just not persuaded that this pandemic has been the catalyst of a new era of complete control over society. From the way I see it, they already have complete control. Mobile phones, the internet, CCTV.. I used to be quite radical but if they want to track me and make sure I’m not conspiring against them then go ahead, I’ll be in the pub. When it’s open of course… Viva la revolución!
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