Blog

It’s Been A Moment.

Last post, February 14th. That’s almost a full year without even looking at this. I don’t have much to say these days. At least I think I don’t. I’m having some downtime in the harsh Glasgow winter season as I get through my studies in preparation for university next year. Despite entering my overdraft in buying Christmas presents I am quite grateful. The summer was intense. My first season of being self-employed. I’m pretty pleased with the progress I made professionally but I still have a long way to go in getting where I want to be. Alas, I have faith. I know what I need to work on and how to achieve it. Just a matter of putting it into practice. So yeah, I’m not actually working at the minute. Motivation is pretty low. Nights turning into days even if I don’t want it. I can’t fucking sleep at a reasonable time. Leaves me feeling poor during the day. I noticed I haven’t been so happy recently. Feeling kinda shitty. Bit despairing. That’ll be the SADS. I don’t really help myself tbh.

So yeah, university. I’m pretty determined to get there. It has been a dream for a while now. I put it on hold while I went gallabantin’ on the continent a few years back. But I’ve been given a chance to get there again. It’s pretty exciting even if it feels a little unreal. Just waiting to hear back.

I suppose you’re wondering what the point is in this post. Nothing specific. While I was studying there I was listening to some music that I hadn’t listened to in a while and it brought me back to this. Don’t you love when music does that? With everything that’s been going on in life recently I haven’t been so in tune with my emotional being. It’s a little unsettling. In fact, I have really only taken notice of them in my work this year. I have seriously struggled with allowing my emotions to cloud my professional judgement. It’s something I have to work on and it has left me feeling negative sometimes. The worst thing about it has been when I’ve not let my emotions interfere and I finally felt quite good, only to then be challenged on it. It’s just the way business is I suppose. I don’t want to be ruthless. But I want to be fair. Especially to myself. I do love my job though. I love making people happy. Gardening is a good method of creating happiness. Even if it may seem somewhat futile and less important compared to a doctor, a nurse or a policeman.. I know that my work makes people feel good.

I’m at a really important stage in my life right now. Mostly important decisions. I’m 26. I want a house. Maybe a mortgage. I want to improve my credit score and grow my business. It’s one hell of a different outlook from the one I had just a few years ago when I was taking lifts from strangers in Eastern Europe. I do miss that as well by the way. Something inside me longs to do that again, somewhere else. I’m in a good place now though and I don’t want to fuck that up. I’m prone to drastically changing my life with spontaneous actions. My mum would tell you that I’ve had more hobbies, life ambitions and career changes than Boris Johnson has lied to the British people. (What a mess that is. Come on Scottish Independence. We need the fuck out of this shambles.) It’s good to be grounded at the moment. The occasional holiday here and there, Covid permitting. I’m pretty confident it’ll be under control reasonably soon. I don’t subscribe to the conspiracy theory stuff. I watched some David Icke videos and while I admire the guys ability to tell a riveting story, I’m just not persuaded that this pandemic has been the catalyst of a new era of complete control over society. From the way I see it, they already have complete control. Mobile phones, the internet, CCTV.. I used to be quite radical but if they want to track me and make sure I’m not conspiring against them then go ahead, I’ll be in the pub. When it’s open of course… Viva la revolución!

‘The Wide-Eyed Scotsman’ is a collection of thoughts, written pieces, opinions and blogs by myself, Aidan Meehan. Unless stated otherwise all of the work on this site is my own. All of the photos, unless credited, are my own. If you have anything to say or if you enjoy my updates please like, share, follow, communicate or criticise. I am not a professional blogger/ writer/ photographer and any interaction which may help to improve my work would be appreciated.

It means the world to me to see people viewing this project. I hope its able to give you something in return.

For all private enquiries get in touch at aidanmeehan94@outlook.com. Thank you.

Happy Valentines Day, Chloe.

To you.

You asked me when I would write again,

And if I could write about you… so here it is.

Chloe. You’re a dafty.

But you’re my dafty, so it’s awrite.

Your patters terrible. You’re a mad panic merchant and you’ve got one ugly, ugly big toe (more like a stub these days). The queen of procrastination. Dramatic as hell. And that fake tan is absolutely everywhere! A complete nuisance who still can’t change her own bedsheets or clean her own ears, but we’ll not get into that too much..

(Right, now I’ve got the negatives out the way I can start dishing out the soppy gear.)

I wouldn’t have you any other way! If that’s the worst that I can come up with I think I’m onto a winner. I love you. You’re hilarious. So intelligent. When you hit me with those random facts of information. I now know all the do’s and don’ts in urgent medical situations.

I see the graft you put in. At work or in college. Lord knows you’ve got the most mental sleeping pattern about but you shrug it off and get on with it because you know what you want and you know how to get it. I’m buzzin for you to realise your dreams and achieve everything you set your mind to. My wee nurse. A caring, honest and decent person. The perfect candidate for looking after others with a genuine caring nature. I can’t wait to see what a success you’ll become and I’m here to support you every step of the way.

Can I just remind you of how beautiful you are? Jesus. I don’t deserve you. To this day I still don’t understand. You could have anybody. Be on the red carpet next to some sharp looking model man. The only regret I have in my life is not meeting you sooner. I always try my best to make you feel special and nothing gives me more joy than to see your beauteous smile.

I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me. From the moment we met, even as friends, you listened to everything I had to say. When we grew closer I knew why I wanted to be with you. How you deal with issues. How you help me to see from another perspective. I might be older and I might have more life experience but I learn from you every single day and that’s what I love about you the most. You inspire me.

You asked me when I would write again, And if I could write about you…

I will write about you until there’s no more left to say. Although that is something I can’t imagine ever happening.

Happy Valentines Day, love Aidan. X

Bouncing Back.

I try to look on my time in France with a positive outlook. It was a big chapter in my life. I learned what it meant to grow up. To stand on my own two feet. Waking up every morning with purpose and a goal. What it meant to feel like nothing and still bounce back.

It’s the ‘nothing‘ part that gets to me. I’m terrified of being ‘nothing‘. It’s a big part of what makes me try. I try out of fear.

Naturally, I suffered a lot of setbacks over there. Shit hit me like a ton of bricks. I’m not afraid to say I crumbled a few times as well. I cried a lot. Gave up occasionally. When i first started my landscaping apprenticeship in Grenoble I doubted everything inside of me. Pascal was my boss. He told me to meet him on  my first morning at the work base in a village on the outskirts of the city, the opposite side from where I lived. It was basically a huge farm house with all the equipment in it. He gave me the street name, no postcode.

I don’t know if anyone reading this has ever been to Grenoble but there’s a stretch of motorway ‘La Rocade‘ which is notoriously bad for busy traffic (unbeknownst to me). Maps on my phone showed it to be the quickest route. Nevertheless it stayed true to form. I was late for my first day. After that it was almost like I was doomed to fail.

That first morning on site ‘sur chantier‘ it was pissing down. Bucketing from the high heavens. I got out the van, he handed me a shovel and told me to start digging. To be honest I barely understood a word he said. It was an uncomfortable introduction. I couldn’t even share patter with them. No craic or nothing. What the fuck can you say to your new boss and colleague when your soaked, nervous, confused. Basically a fucking idiot.

Well things never did get any better. I couldn’t overcome my nerves. I couldn’t learn as fast as Pascal wanted (he was an impatient soul) and I couldn’t adapt as quickly as I’d hoped. It wasn’t through lack of trying. Fuck I tried so hard. Every night when I got home I was exhausted. I’d take a shower, make some food and lock myself in my room. I became a bit of a social recluse in order to try and save my energy for the next day. It still wasn’t enough. He used to say to me, in French of course, ‘you’re a fucking retard‘, ‘you have no brain‘, ‘you’re never going to make it in this industry‘. Now I know Scottish men are all supposed to be thick-skinned and able to take some flack. But the truth is I eventually folded. No matter how hard I tried I just wasn’t good enough. I couldn’t even straighten out a surface with a rake. I phoned my dad and asked him ‘how the fuck do you do that?’ and he thought I was taking the piss. I woke up one morning and couldn’t face the day. I broke down and cried like fuck. Then he sacked me. I cost him too much money. I still fucking hate that guy to this day.

I knew I needed a different environment. Another company who would understand my situation and give me the confidence to succeed. Who would work with me on a more consistent level. It was Damien who gave me a chance. I was so grateful for it. My confidence grew and I started to improve. I was getting somewhere. I could use a rake competently! And we had a good team. Damiens dad Christian, my big mate Chaon from Tahiti and my wee bro David ‘mon frère’. I loved these boys along with every day I worked there. I miss them all the time and I hope I’ll go back to see them soon. This is where I learned so much about life. What it takes to make it in the profession. About dedication. About family. About being happy. I developed a new work ethic. It inspired me to be better. My only regret is that I never had the chance to stay longer and learn more from them.

Unfortunately things broke down in my personal life. My relationship broke down. I was hurting a lot. Being alone in a foreign country on apprentice wages meant I couldn’t really stay. I wanted to go home. I had no car and would’ve ended up homeless. For whatever reason it just wasn’t meant to be.

It’s been seven months now. A long and slow rebuilding process in my mind, within my surroundings and in my work. But I’m on the right track now. I’m back at college. Continuing my landscaping studies albeit on a more theoretically based course. There is some practical work however, and I’ll be doing my own work on the side alongside that. I’m getting my own van soon. My own equipment. And I met someone too. I’m smitten. What a darling. She’s helped me to realise its okay to take the foot off the gas once in a while. To relax. Easier said than done putting this into action but it’s a working progress and something I dedicate some effort to every day. All I know is it’s all just a part of bouncing back. Showing that French tadger Pascal that I am going to make it.. That there is a brain in here.. and it’s getting stronger. Ready to succeed.

Ciao for now.. Troops X

grenoble
”Grenoble” blog.kazaden.com

‘The Wide-Eyed Scotsman’ is a collection of thoughts, written pieces, opinions and blogs by myself, Aidan Meehan. Unless stated otherwise all of the work on this site is my own. All of the photos, unless credited, are my own. If you have anything to say or if you enjoy my updates please like, share, follow, communicate or criticise. I am not a professional blogger/ writer/ photographer and any interaction which may help to improve my work would be appreciated.

It means the world to me to see people viewing this project. I hope its able to give you something in return.

For all private enquiries get in touch at aidanmeehan94@outlook.com. Thank you.

Old Photies.

I’ve been going through my camera. Haven’t looked at it in months. I realised I still had a lot of photos from the last few years. So over the next few days I plan on sharing them with you all. This was taken in Prishtina, Kosovo. Summer 2018.

You can see the rest of my photos on Instagram. Click Here.

‘The Wide-Eyed Scotsman’ is a collection of thoughts, written pieces, opinions and blogs by myself, Aidan Meehan. Unless stated otherwise all of the work on this site is my own. All of the photos, unless credited, are my own. If you have anything to say or if you enjoy my updates please like, share, follow, communicate or criticise. I am not a professional blogger/ writer/ photographer and any interaction which may help to improve my work would be appreciated.

It means the world to me to see people viewing this project. I hope its able to give you something in return.

For all private enquiries get in touch at aidanmeehan94@outlook.com. Thank you.

 

 

 

Keep Your Heart Strong.

Today is #WorldSuicidePreventionDay

I won’t say much. I just think it’s important to share something in order to highlight the issues surrounding this subject. 

Life can be tough. So fucking tough. But whatever is broken, can always be fixed. 

Reach out. Don’t be afraid.

If you ever find your mind meandering in a dark place, just remember that it can always get better.

Below are a few links/groups/numbers that I believe can be very beneficial to anyone struggling. Feel free to message myself as well on any platform. I’m no professional but I know how it feels.

Take Care, Aidan X

COPE Scotland – A mental health charity based in Drumchapel who offer one to one counselling sessions. Highly recommend. I am a current user and have used in the past. Click Here to visit the COPE website.

Breathing Space – A confidential phone line for anyone to use in times of need. It’s free and again I have used it myself when I have really been struggling. Talking to a relative or a friend might seem too much and this is the great thing about this service. Neither you or the call handler will remain strictly unidentifiable. Click Here to visit the Breathing Space Website.

DACA (Dumbarton Council on Alcohol) – A community service in Clydebank dedicated to helping those with alcohol related issues. I visited this place for a short period when I was younger. I used to drink and use other drugs to prove to myself I had a good life. But it only ever done me harm. A great help for anyone willing. Click Here to visit the DACA Website.

Stepping Stones – The first counselling service I ever visited when I was 15. Based in Clydebank. Click Here to visit the Stepping Stones website.

SAMH (Scottish Association for Mental Health) – Nationwide charity who provide a range of services and opportunities to those they work with. An amazing organisation. Click Here to visit the SAMH website.

Over the coming months I hope to find out some more about other groups, charities and organisations so I can share them here. Not just service providers but classes and workshops, educational meetings, which could be beneficial to someone who is looking.

Music is a great helper in difficult moments. So I’ve chosen a song which keeps me going in times where I might not feel like there’s much point anymore.

Thanks again for reading and please share far and wide. 

 

 

‘The Wide-Eyed Scotsman’ is a collection of thoughts, written pieces, opinions and blogs by myself, Aidan Meehan. Unless stated otherwise all of the work on this site is my own. All of the photos, unless credited, are my own. If you have anything to say or if you enjoy my updates please like, share, follow, communicate or criticise. I am not a professional blogger/ writer/ photographer and any interaction which may help to improve my work would be appreciated.

It means the world to me to see people viewing this project. I hope it’s able to give you something in return.

For all private enquiries get in touch at aidanmeehan94@outlook.com. Thank you.

 

 

Drifting Fate.

Have you ever wondered if someone who has become so significant in your life ever passed you by somewhere or sometime in the past?

Take your partner for instance. Your closest companion who ‘stumbled’ into your life at a certain point. Before it all happened and you became entwined in each others lives, did they ever pass you in the street? Or did you ever brush past them in a busy place? Perhaps you even shared a quick conversation.. Something as simple as a shared joke in a shop queue. It’s funny to think about these moments and how little you had known about the person you just encountered or how much importance they would hold in your own future.

What if these moments are the kickstart to the story of your journey? That as soon as your energies interact and investigate the compatibility that lies within, you and your loved one (unknowingly) are set on a course to retrieve and ignite the fervour of this drifting fate.

Some of us are lucky and find our match early on. Others may search for a long time, hoping that the one for them is soon to be found. There are those who will force the issue and consequently hurt themselves by opening their hearts to the wrong people. In fact this theory gives life to an endless list of varying possibilities. Two people who are not meant to be may even spend their whole lives together without ever really knowing that somewhere out there in this vast universe, the other they subconsciously sought is yet to be found. In a world diluted with material ambitions and downtrodden dreams this scenario may be unfortunately common. However, such as there are those who wish not to seek their true destinies through fear or worry or whatever reason.. There are those who remain undaunted in the face of challenge (or indeed loneliness) and continue upon a pure path of patience and trust in an external matter which they cannot control.

When the two bounds of energy finally rediscover one another after a period of time apart, the surrounding atmosphere erupts around them like a spontaneous combustion. Our bodies sense the event taking place. As a result all kinds of reactions begin to commence. Every aspect of our system responds immediately and activates our inner instincts. Emotional & physical. The wait for this moment is finally over and that long-held desire that came into life after a seemingly meaningless moment some time ago can now be fulfilled. Can you remember what it was like when you first felt that rush? That magical experience of knowing, just knowing, that whoever you were laying eyes upon was the one you had been waiting for. It’s possible you didn’t know that you were waiting at all until a chance encounter which brought you together. It may be that now you have found your soul mate.

It’s only a theory, but it’s nice to imagine.

‘The Wide-Eyed Scotsman’ is a collection of thoughts, written pieces, opinions and blogs by myself, Aidan Meehan. Unless stated otherwise all of the work on this site is my own. All of the photos, unless credited, are my own. If you have anything to say or if you enjoy my updates please like, share, follow, communicate or criticise. I am not a professional blogger/ writer/ photographer and any interaction which may help to improve my work would be appreciated.

It means the world to me to see people viewing this project. I hope its able to give you something in return.

For all private enquiries get in touch at aidanmeehan94@outlook.com. Thank you.

 

 

 

Down The Rabbit Hole.

Clyde Waterfront, 25th August 2019.

I find it incredibly hard to control my emotions right now. It’s a beautiful day. The sun is shining, a rare occurrence in the West of Scotland. It’s been a turbulent time in my brain. My thoughts are seldom clear. They come thick and fast. On several occasions I’ve caught myself forgetting to breath. These are not the pleasant experiences I am fond of.

I don’t trust myself. I don’t trust anyone else. It feels like everyone is against me. They’re out to ruin me. Even my own mind lacks a functional synchronicity with the rest of my body. I am exhausted, I am drained and I do not know how to wake up from this funk.

I can’t sleep at night. Most nights it’s around 3am before I convince myself to stop thinking and start winding down. My feng shui is fucked. I panic, I worry, I fear just about everything. I’m revisiting dark places I thought I had long left behind.

I started counselling again. Three years I’d managed without it. I feel almost weak again that it’s come to this point. Guilt for being a burden. Embarrassment for struggling again. Shame that I cannot seem to shake it off.

If I was to give myself advice I reckon I’d have sorted this. But it’s difficult to be objective when it’s your own emotions at work. I’m trying to bring myself positive energy. But my resistance against this barrage of negativity has been evidently futile. I’m hanging onto a hope that again, one day, it will all get better. It’s happened before. It can happen again.

I needed to write this. It wouldn’t go away. And now that I’ve began to get some of it out I can begin to move on in a positive light. Just another bump in the road, I keep saying.

‘I am happy, healthy and stable.’

That’s an affirmation I’m trying out every day. Like I said, positive energy. One day at a time. It will all work out. I’ll be back at work, my usual old self, and ready to take on whatever comes next.

Peace out, Wide Eye X

”If we go down the rabbit hole of our unconsciousness and try to unravel the knotty points of our life story we may encounter a bunch of hidden niceties or emotional stowaways. Forgotten details in the windmill of our mind may daintily reveal, where things might have gone wrong… (I wonder what went wrong.)” 

Erik Pevernagie.

P1020238

 

‘The Wide-Eyed Scotsman’ is a collection of thoughts, written pieces, opinions and blogs by myself, Aidan Meehan. Unless stated otherwise all of the work on this site is my own. All of the photos, unless credited, are my own. If you have anything to say or if you enjoy my updates please like, share, follow, communicate or criticise. I am not a professional blogger/ writer/ photographer and any interaction which may help to improve my work would be appreciated.

It means the world to me to see people viewing this project. I hope its able to give you something in return.

For all private enquiries get in touch at aidanmeehan94@outlook.com. Thank you.

 

A Nightmare Begins with Boris.

The Scotch – what a verminous race!

Canny, pushy, chippy, they’re all over the place.

Battening off us with false bonhomie;

Polluting our stock, undermining our economy.

Down with sandy hair and knobbly knees!

Suppress the tartan dwarves and the Wee Frees!

Ban the kilt, the skean-dhu and the sporran

As provocatively, offensively foreign!

It’s time Hadrian’s Wall was refortified

To pen them in a ghetto on the other side.

I would go further. The nation

Deserves not merely isolation

But comprehensive extermination.

‘Friendly Fires’ by James Michie. Published in The Spectator Magazine by then editor Boris Johnson. Yes, the United Kingdom’s next Prime Minister. It has since been removed from the magazines archive. Can’t possibly understand why.

Prick.

Crushed Creativity.

When I first started this project I hoped it would inspire me to really develop and nurture my writing. I thought of it as a platform for which to grow and motivate my work. To gain an understanding of what was expected in order to become the best creative writer I could. But as time went on it became clear that there is an added responsibility of other interfering aspects. Finance and time being two of them. I stopped writing freely and wrote more to beat deadlines. I attempted to introduce monetization.

It wasn’t what I intended.

Moving home hasn’t helped. I work awful shift patterns in an environment which doesn’t feed me the way my previous did. I have been feeling drained and the website has taken a hit because of this.

So I intend to take smaller steps in the hope that they will  be more productive and beneficial for The Wide-Eyed Scotsman in the long run. I will continue to post what I can but without rush or hesitation. It’s important I stick to the very essence of it’s incorporation.

Keep a look out for more updates soon. Hopefully less laborious and more exciting than before.

Aidan X

 

 

Readables: Ramayana

**I changed the name of my book reviewing series from the previously titled ‘Good Wee Reads’. It was a half decent idea until I realised that the biggest online review source was infact ‘Good Reads’. Schoolboy error, but at least that’s out the way.**

”The Ramayana is one of the great epics of the ancient world, with versions spanning the cultures, religions and languages of Asia. Its story of Rama’s quest to recover his wife Sita from her abduction by Raavana, the Lord of the Underworld, has enchanted readers and audiences across the Eastern world for thousands of years.”

 

ramayana

 

I took a wander around Waterstones a few weeks ago, only to come across this book while browsing. I seem to enjoy reading stories with a religious or spiritual influence. It’s not that I’m religious. I’m open to all ideas. And the stories which are told throughout different creeds around the world generally (in my humble opinion) make for a good read. Let’s be honest, The Bible is class. There are great discussions regarding who wrote it in the first place. Many say Moses wrote the Old Testament and Paul the Apostle wrote the New Testament. This hasn’t been confirmed. But whoever it was.. I applaud them. For if the Bible was claimed to be another Fiction epic like Lord of The Rings or Harry Potter it would easily become a Cinema Classic. They’d probably make about nine blockbusters out of it then follow it up with spinoffs.

So aye. They do make for good reading, the old religious tales, and Ramayana is no different. It’s one of two old Indian classics (the other being Mahābhārata, cheers copy and paste) and has been passed down through the centuries. Retold and revisited time and time again, the stories have been shared across the Asian continent. The author Daljit Nagra takes inspiration from the Punjabi version he learned from his family and combines it with a wide scope of other versions (Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam, Nepal and Laos amongst others) and brings the story to life in a modern, inclusive and far-reaching manner.

It’s a pretty mad book and the storyline is imaginative to say the least. It’s a bit like an Indian Game of Thrones to be honest. Rama is the hero. He’s the typical ‘Prince Charming’ kind of guy, good at everything and gets all the attention. An absolute stallion. The word Rama means peace in Sanskrit, the Indian language. Him and his brother leave home on a journey and face all sorts of trials and tribulations. But they find themselves in trouble when Rama’s missus is taken by the Lord of the Underworld, Ravana. Epic battles and fights to the death are all included in Rama’s quest to get his burd back. And there’s even an army of courageous monkeys to seal the deal.

All in all it’s a pretty fun book even if it isn’t what you would usually read. Nagra’s writing style is also somewhat odd with the use of different fonts and strange layouts but it all contributes to the buzz of the book. So immerse yourself in an old Indian tale and take an insight into the ancient culture and tradition of the world’s seventh largest country. It’s very easy to see how a story like this could become so popular and celebrated among literally billions of people across Asia. And now Mr. Nagra has opened this Homeric adventure tale to wee guys like me, in council estates in the West of Scotland.

Here’s a short video of the author giving an insight into the book…

 

 

RAMAYANA by Daljit Nagra. Published by Faber & Faber. Click Here to Buy Your Copy.

 

‘The Wide-Eyed Scotsman’ is a collection of thoughts, written pieces, opinions and blogs by myself, Aidan Meehan. Unless stated otherwise all of the work on this site is my own. All of the photos, unless credited, are my own. If you have anything to say or if you enjoy my updates please like, share, follow, communicate or criticise. I am not a professional blogger/ writer/ photographer and any interaction which may help to improve my work would be appreciated.

It means the world to me to see people viewing this project. I hope its able to give you something in return.

For all private enquiries get in touch at aidanmeehan94@outlook.com. Thank you.